The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.
Kin Hubbard quotes

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
Captain Penny's Law quotes

Only mothers can think of the future-because they give birth to it in their children.
Maxim Gorky quotes

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
Bob Monkhouse quotes

My mom was a garage sale person, save money. Come on in to the garage sale, you might find a shirt. She'd get in that garage sale and point stuff out to you. There's a good fork for a nickel. Yeah, that's beautiful. It's a little high. If it were three cents I'd snap it up.
Louie Anderson quotes

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle quotes