Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
Roseanne Barr quotes

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."
Elayne Boosler quotes

The woman who tells her age is either too young to have anything to lose or too old to have anything to gain.
Chinese Proverb quotes

Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
Maryon Pearson quotes

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.
Oscar Wilde quotes

I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance -- a sharp, vindictive glance.
James Thurber quotes

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.
Oscar Wilde quotes

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
Oscar Wilde quotes

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.
Oscar Wilde quotes

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
Helen Gurley Brown quotes

Cosmetics is a boon to every woman, but a girl's best friend is still a nearsighted man.
Yoko Ono quotes

A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead. (Double Dynamite)
Groucho Marx quotes

The soundtrack to 'Indecent Exposure' is a romantic mix of music that I know most women love to hear, so I never keep it far from me when women are nearby.
Fabio quotes

Women want to be treated as equals, not sequels
Kathy Lette quotes

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman.
Kathy Lette quotes

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.
Marcel Achard quotes

My understanding of women goes only as far as the pleasures. (Alfie, 1966)
Michael Caine quotes

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
Samuel Butler quotes

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Charlotte Whitton quotes

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one. (Mississippi, 1935)
W. C. Fields quotes

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.
Kin Hubbard quotes

Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.
Will Rogers quotes

There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
Will Rogers quotes

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
Oscar Wilde quotes

Man has will, but woman has her way.
Oliver Wendell Holmes quotes

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Jack Benny quotes

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Gloria Steinem quotes

Women... can't live with 'em... can't shoot 'em.
Ivan Turgenev quotes

You can never tell what's in a woman's mind, And if she's from Harlem, there's no use o' tryin'
W. C. Handy quotes

Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.
Joseph Conrad quotes

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
Margaret Thatcher quotes

The female sex has no greater fan than I, and I have the bills to prove it.
Alan Jay Lerner quotes

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
Tim Allen quotes

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Tim Allen quotes

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
Tim Allen quotes

I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.
Louis XIV quotes

Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women.
Elsa Schiaparelli quotes

Americans like fat books and thin women.
Russell Baker quotes

Why should I limit myself to only one woman when I can have as many women as I want?
George Gershwin quotes

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Elayne Boosler quotes

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
Lenny Bruce quotes

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
Yul Brynner quotes

What a strange thing man is; and what a stranger thing woman.
Lord Byron quotes

I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
Gilda Radner quotes

The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement. Of course He could have made it to last longer, but you can't have everything. -- (The Gingerbread Lady, 1970)
Neil Simon quotes

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.
David Niven quotes

Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk.
Andy Gibb quotes

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
Erica Jong quotes

How can I possibly dislike a sex to which Your Majesty belongs? (on Queen Victoria's suggestion that he disliked women)
Cecil Rhodes quotes

From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.
Raymond Chandler quotes

You can never tell what's in a woman's mind, And if she's from Harlem, there's no use o' tryin'
W. C. Handy quotes

They are so afraid we shall break down, and you know the reputation of the college is at stake, for the question is, can girls get a college degree without injuring their health.
Ellen Swallow Richards quotes

There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and technicians. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with technicians.
Georges Pompidou quotes

Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men?
Barbra Streisand quotes

Men are generally more law-abiding than women. Women have the feeling that since they didn't make the rules, the rules have nothing to do with them.
Diane Johnson quotes

Whether women are better than men I cannot say?but I can say they are certainly no worse.
Golda Meir quotes

To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.
Rudolph Valentino quotes

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Timothy Leary quotes

I like my whisky old and my women young.
Errol Flynn quotes

There are two kinds of women: those who want power in the world, and those who want power in bed.
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis quotes

A beauty is a woman you notice; a charmer is one who notices you.
Adlai Stevenson quotes

Any woman can fool a man if she wants to and if he's in love with her.
Agatha Christie quotes

Women aren't as mere as they used to be.
Walt Kelly quotes

A Frenchwoman, when double-crossed, will kill her rival; the Italian woman would rather kill her deceitful lover; the Englishwoman simply breaks off relations-but they all will console themselves with another man.
Charles Boyer quotes

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.
Bill Vaughan quotes

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.
Dave Attell quotes

Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable.
Edward Abbey quotes

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
Roseanne Barr quotes

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
Roseanne Barr quotes

There are no women composers, never have been, and possibly never will be. (when asked why only male composers appeared in his repertoire)
Thomas Beecham quotes

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Helen Rowland quotes

To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.
Helen Rowland quotes

A woman is like a tea bag - you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.
Eleanor Roosevelt quotes

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
Fran Lebowitz quotes

She was short on intellect, but long on shape.
George Ade quotes

Three things have been difficult to tame: the oceans, fools and women. We may soon be able to tame the oceans; fools and women will take a little longer.
Spiro Agnew quotes