"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." - Jimmy Durante.

"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons." - Douglas Adams."

"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?" - Bart Simpson

"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos." - Homer Simpson

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman." - Homer Simpson

"Operator! Give me the number for 911!" - Homer Simpson

The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows your watch, tells you the time and then charges you for the privilege."

- Times newspaper
"The first rule of business is: Do other men for they would do you." - Charles Dickens.

"A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth." - Patrick Murray.

"Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer." - Will Rogers.

"The Scottish verdict 'not proven' means 'guilty, but don't do it again'." - Winifred Duke.

"Gentlemen prefer bonds." - Andrew Mellon.

"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist." - Franklin Jones.

"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." - Spike Milligan.

"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates.

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." - Charles Lamb.

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." - Mario Andretti.

"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?" - Steven Wright.